Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
the boat had a sign not to jump off the roof of it, which gave us the idea to jump off the roof of it
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
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