thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
How external is "for external use only"?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
I also woke up on my floor. Naked. On a pile of clothes. With my head in the trash can. And a sheet over me.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Randomize