well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I haven't had an orgasm since 2014. So you cam see why I'm having a bad year.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
