I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
Just had sex in an ice hut. What have you done with your holiday break?
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
Randomize
