We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
But he's not just anonymous male genitalia anymore. I've met him, I've seen his face.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
I don't care if he's the coolest coworker, if he's living in his mom's basement at 30 you should not buy drugs from him
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Randomize
