and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
This morning two of his housemate threw confetti over me, started singing and handed me a make shift trophy out of cereal boxes and beer cans that said 'Harry's Virginity' on it. Fucking brilliant!
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Randomize
