My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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