God, you're like boner-b-gone
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
So that's all you want from me. Easy ass.
And an everlasting friendship
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
I literally heard an 'oh my god' when the shirtless Tongan appeared.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
