OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
That's probably when I climbed a tree and told everyone I was an ornament
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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