I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Randomize
