dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
