high people should be assigned attendants
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
Randomize
