Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
this hospital has no fireball
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
