Swine flu. Run for my life!
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
if he wont fuck me on the stairamster then i dont think theres much XXX shit going down
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
What if we made a bunch of weed butter and then poured the butter into tiny rectangular molds and then chilled it so it was solid again and then wrapped it with the tin foil wrapping from restaurant butter and then left them at restaurants and wreaked utter havoc.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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