Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Randomize
