Hey theres a creepy ass guy stalking our house.i would look alive geting in 2nite.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
I will not hesitate to go down on a dick for some cream soda.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
... and smoked a joint with my new landlord. I'm starting to like Germany.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Ya know what's the worst? Being drunk and wanting to show someone a picture of your goddaughter but not wanting to open the pictures on your phone because the first one is of someone's dick..
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Randomize
