All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
