I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
Her son walked in on us and asked if he could "wrestle too."
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
All I remember is that I was trying to call my wolf pack by howling.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
Randomize
