Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
Can I have my ID back now or are you using it to crossdress again?
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
oh my god. picked the worst day ever to not wear underwear...
I'm just gonna stop you right there because there is, in fact, no such thing.
Are you in a good mood because I stuffed you with enchiladas, ice cream, penis, and cuddles last night?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Randomize
