Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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