I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
My suggestion that we all just smoke some weed was greeted with a uncomfrotable silence and a 'maybe later'. These are not our people
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
