Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
I don't know what happened to get you in this mentality. This time last year your were ass up on a hotel bathroom counter getting licked by a stranger.
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Throwing my sister a bisexual bachelorette party was the best idea ever. I made out with both strippers and the hot bartender promised to "gay marry" me if I take him as my date to the wedding.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Randomize
