this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
He was able to grab love handles during doggy style... I know we said spring break mexico diet starts next week but i think we need to start tomorrow.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
i would have fingered myself to death by now but the dog wont stop staring at me
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
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