Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
it hasn't hit me that college is over yet. so far at home, i haven't brushed my teeth, taken off my makeup, or changed clothes before bed.
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Randomize
