sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
I think the tooth fairy visited me last night... after I chipped my tooth n blacked out, I woke up to my purse filled with cocaine n sequins.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
