i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
until you tell me otherwise ill assume we're playing "cavity search" the homeland security game to spice up our sex life
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
