i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Whatever it's Canadian jail, it's not like Guatemala or something. It'll be nice and cushy and they'll probably throw him a big bday party with all his friends and strippers
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
I put a bagel at the end of my bed so every time I want a bite I have to do a sit up
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
OMG also, I'm sorry I tased you a lil
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