i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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