you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
she's not even a shacker, she never made it inside. she's just a porch girl
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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