Good news! Whoever used this stall at Target earlier...not pregnant!
If you had to guess, would you say that as a species, midgets are more or less flammable than humans?
Less. Duh. They have less combustible mass.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I just realized I haven't looked at our horoscopes lately. If mine says anything about tweakers, I'm burning my phone.
Oh shit oh shit oh shit.
BURN THE PHONE.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
