I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
She bit a glass in half.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize