omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
yay america 4th of july drinking game. take a drink every time you hear or see a firework, finish your drink for a mention of mj or the gosselins, a shot for the words democracy,hope, freedom, terrorism
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
