so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I want "hickeys on my ass" sex
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
True college students do jello shots in the library
Randomize
