yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
Randomize
