Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
Randomize
