You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
I could teach a class on "expressing your thanks through photos taken of yourself in the shower"
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
