I'm so horny!
I'm so hungry
WHAT A TERRIBLE REPLY!
For your pussy...
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
