I have two girls sleeping in my bed naked and I ended up making it to class, what were you saying about staying in on the weekdays?
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
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