I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
I got my project done and a booty call in all before 1am. I'm a professional college kid.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Do you think it's wrong for me to hop on that dick before he realizes that he's gay?
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
