I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I just made out with Ricky Ullman of Phil of the Future fame and I don't know what I'm doing anymore. Help.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
