watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
I need a legitimate reason as to why the microwave door is in the shower
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
You are number one in my heart. But in the dick Olympics you're disqualified.
He corrected my use of grammar... I think we both know that means i have to sleep with him
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
My vagina just clenched in fear
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
