WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
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