I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
God only knows how I ended up there doing crown royal shots to the titanic and insighting a bar wide shit fest when I asked the dj to play levels
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
