Ok pretty sure I just saw Mike O'Malley walking through the parking lot. I wanted to see if I followed him, would he lead me to the acro-criag, i've always wanted a crack at that bitch.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
If you got tons of KY ads on HuluPlus, it's because I hit "relevant" every time.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
Randomize
