I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
he thinks im joking when i say don't visit. i mean it's summer...he was the college fuck and now it's time for the summer fuck
kinda considering buying a life alert for sophmore year
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Houston, we have a squirter
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Would you think less of me if I were eating pizza on the toilet right now?
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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