he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
