i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Dude you were so high some kid was kicking the wall and you were convinced it was your heartbeat
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
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