Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
dude you had a hot girl interested and took shots together, as soon as it went down the hatch you upchucked on her entire existance..
successful birthday. 2012 rules
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Randomize
