you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Just found out that guy A from the threesome I had is now dating guy B's younger sister
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I felt like in order for him to make it to mordor and destroy the ring, he'd have to make sweet sweet love to me in some form of hut or cave.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
