And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
This is the last weekend of getting drunk and having sex all nite with the plumber. I'm exhausted all weekend and I'm never going to finish the remodel at this rate
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Please don't give away my fajitas
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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