Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
