You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
Also, full disclose I puked in a fruit barrel box
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
