This girl is more easily done than said...
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
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