Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
she just made me lysol my hands in order to touch her tits.
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
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