and you said cock pushups were impossible
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
I guess I can check "drink alone in the dark" off my bucket list
Randomize
