I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
Hopefully this dress says "let me rent your house" and not "let me suck your dick for money"
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
