all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
