Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
