I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
