I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
