He was dressed in cheap leather and smelled like death.
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
DON'T LET IAN EAT HIS PEANUT BUTTER!!!
Just remembered that I poured a whole bottle of tylenol in there. It's chunky. It's deadly.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
Peeling duct tape off of my dick is definitely one of the stranger sensations that I've experienced.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
so, i guess i gotta chill on showing up to work hungover... someone anonymously left a bible in my work mailbox (no one else got one)
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
Randomize
