Last night, you attempted to motor boat my vagina then proceeded to blow raspberries on it. Don't ever do that again.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
if i die of alcohol poisoning tonight, just know i kinda expected it and totally deserved it
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
i found out she really is a mensa member
so she was the smartest passed out on the floor hair encrusted in vomit girl at the party
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
