i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Nothing like hearing a USA chant while getting head. God bless America.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Then that is decided. Fuck away my little bunny rabbit.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
