Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
My friend wants your phone number so you can teach her how to take a beer bong. She saw you doing them last night and got jealous.
Just tell her to open her throat. I don't want to talk to anyone who is jealous of someone who woke up this morning with a cat in their shirt as a result of that glorious beer bonging skill.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
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