Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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