now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Randomize
