The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
today is my dealer's birthday. i dont know whether to give him the day off or call him saying happy birthday ill take a quarter please
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
Randomize
