At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Quick, to the slutcave!
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
Hey do you eat chocolate chip pancakes with bacon in?
DO NOT MAIL ME A PANCAKE
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
Randomize