I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I mean seriously, she can have his dick anytime and im over here salivating like a thirsty bitch.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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