to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
have i crossed some slutty boundary when gay guys are sending me cock pics?
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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