She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
he literally referred to his penis as the alaskan bull worm from spongebob. when can we get married
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
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