Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Nah, I was done when the Big Pun lookalike began to sob and tell me I looked like his ex...
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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