Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I feel odd... a had sex with a chick and she keept her socks on...
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Is it cheating if its a threesome? This is more like a party game than infidelity.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
Randomize
